Although in my previous post I claim to be close to comatose and unable to blog, I feel compelled to join in on another PROMPTuesday from San Diego Momma.
Write a story about when you last were humbled, felt humbled by the presence of something/someone in your life, or lay prostrate at the feet of the universe and said “I don’t know what the hell I am doing. I will now relinquish control and let you take over.”
Luckily I had this post saved in my drafts from months ago. I just dusted it off and finessed it a little. Here goes…
My children teach me lessons in humility every day. It’s what I love and hate the most about motherhood…the way I am forced to see myself for who I really am. It makes me strive to be a better person and for that I am so thankful.
I can remember one instance in particular in which I felt humbled beyond recognition. It was a quintessential A-Ha moment…My 2nd daughter, Lexi, was 6 weeks old. I was in the height of my sleep deprivation and at my wits’ end. And I mean WITS’ END. Like, call the looney bin, end. On this particular night, Lexi was inconsolable, as she had been for a few weeks straight, and I was rocking her to no avail, in my Dutalier rocker which I HIGHLY recommend, btw. As she wailed on like a banshee in my arms, my mind raced with all the things I had to do: fold the laundry, wash the dishes, workout, check emails, remove the chipped crusty polish from my nails, plan my toddlers b-day party, shower, brush my teeth, eat, sleep, and call the plumber. As the list raced through my mind I became more anxious, more upset, and more frustrated. Why is she crying?…Why won’t she stop?…I really have a lot to do…UGH! I just wanted it to stop.
Finally, in a rare moment of clarity, the following obvious yet profound thoughts ocurred to me:
- Babies cry.
- Babies are helpless.
- I am her mom.
- I am the only person (except her dad) that can help her.
- That is what moms do.
Ding Dong Mary, THIS IS MOTHERHOOD! Moms hold, protect and love their babies. They stop everything else to do so.
Obvious? Simple? Innate?
Maybe for some, but not to me. The reality of what being a mom means hit me like a flash of lightening in my weakest most raw state. This little wonder, this miraculous gift from God, is my life, my blood, my everything. She is dependent on me for everything. Nothing I need to do is more important.
The laundry and dishes, the plumber and nappy nails could wait.
At once, a sense of peace and clarity came over me. I could breath. I could see my baby, through and beyond the tears – hers and mine. She would not remember this moment, nor any of the moments to follow for many years to come, but this moment is what our relationship would be built on forever. In 5, 10, 15, 45 years from now, none of the things I had to get done will matter, but she will know that I am the person who loves her the most in this world. Not just because I conceived her, carried her and pushed her out my nether region. But because I raised and cared for her in sacrifice, surrender and pure love.
In that moment, I was humbled. I saw the higher plan for me and my role as mom. It was beautiful and moving, more than the words on this page can accurately describe.
Out of that moment came my 5 S’s of Parenting: Surrender, Survive, Sweat, Sacrife and Shhhhhhhut the f up. Any new or soon-to-be moms may want to check them out.
Filed under: parenthood, Parentinng Tips & Tricks, Thoughts and Other Things that Move Me | Tagged: children, Family, life lessons, Looney Bin, parenthood, parenting | 6 Comments »