4 days to save the world

Madge & JT have only 4 minutes, but we have 4 days.  So let’s go ya’ll, get your ballots ready and let’s save the world by voting.  I’m hoping BO gets your vote…but I’ll stop at that.

My BO button arrived from moveon.org finally. It’s the size of a quarter but it was free and I’ll wear it with pride. And I just saw some cool shirts for sale on facebook.  Didn’t know he was called Barry though…

Better get to bed before I turn into a pumpkin…Happy Halloween!


Dead Dad’s Club

So I got a little nutty tonight and started a group on the NaBloPoMo site called the Dead Dad’s Club.   I figured since I’m a card carrying member I can get away with it.  I’m hoping I can reach a wider audience through this vast network of bloggers.  I have had such a powerful, gutteral response from the women I’ve contacted so far.  Tears are shed, connections are made, memories are re-lived, grief rears its ugly head.  It is moving.  It is time with our dads.  I am fired up about it!

Since beginning this project, some of my own wounds have re-opened.  And even 7 years later, they are still raw.  Grief is such an intangible.  It can’t be measured, it can’t be tamed.  It doesn’t ever truly leave you.  It sets up shop in your heart and hangs out there, forever.  As time goes by, the grief gets better…it lies dormant most of the time, but occasionally and when you least expect it, it throws a raucous party that rocks your soul.   It rears it’s ugly head and there you are, in the middle of an ugly cry, before you even know what hit you.

I know that this will happen to the women that contribute to this book.  It is hard to tap or re-tap into those emotions, that many have stuffed deep into the depths of their soul.  Being the emotional woman that I am, with hyper active tear ducts (I cry a lot!), I was struck by how different my cries were regarding the loss of my dad.  I have been a crier all my life.  Scraped knees, un-returned calls, nasty words, touchy feely commercials, chick flicks…you name it, I cried.  But after my dad was diagnosed, leading up to his death, and in the subsequent years of his passing, my cries took on a whole new dimension.  They hurt.  They burned.  They flowed from a literal hole in my heart.  Sometimes I thought I would never be able to stop.

But since I had been so close with Kleenex before, I was not afraid of the ugly cry.  However, as I talk to more and more women, I realize that not everyone is as comfortable talking about their loss, and I think a big part of it is the fear of the tears.  Not just the physical tears, but everything that comes with them.  The hurt, the burn, the hole, the fear.

Hence…the book project.  Let’s stare down the hurt, let’s salve the burn, let’s peer into the hole and see all that lies beneath.  There is beauty there, I just know it.

blogging for dummies

The obsession is official…blogging has taken over my brain!  It’s midnight and I should be sleeping!  But since I feel like a floundering, blundering idiot, I am trying to learn everything there is to know by researching and reading other blogs.  Boy, this blog world is vast and intimidating.  To look danger straight in the face and say Boo, I just signed up for NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month http://www.nablopomo.com.  A post a day for the entire month of November.  So you’ll be hearing from me, a lot.  Hopefully I won’t run out of things to say.

I just found my horoscope for tomorrow (actually today) – It’s pretty dead on…

Aries: March 21- April 19

You’ll be the consummate student, today — your mind is inquisitive and your energy is focused on acquiring new knowledge. You are also already smart enough to know that you don’t know everything, so why not just admit it? Don’t be afraid to show the holes in your intelligence — after all, that’s the only way to fill them up! Your ego is strong enough to weather a lesson in something simple that you think everyone else already knows, so step up and ask an expert for a lesson.

Is there a book “Blogging for Dummies”?  I’ll check into that.


the water’s edge

Went for a run at the beach this morning to shake off the funkity funk funk from yesterday.  Not sure why, but I was in some sort of mood yesterday…wrong side of the bed?  Hormonally off balance?  Underlying angst from the mile long to-do list?

Who knows…but this morning it was me, the baby, the Bob, and the waters edge…

A dad, a son, a red wagon

Jack Lalane, in jeans and a black tee, performing tai chi/yoga ish moves

A couple in white, a woman in black, a book, vows, smiles, nods, a new beginning

Seagulls, seaweed, sea foam

Fishing poles, frisbees, firemen

Ladies aerobicising, working off the brie and wine from last night’s book club

Good Mornings, crooked smiles, averted eyes

A mom wiping sticky bun goo off her 3 boys’ hands

Surfers, snorkelers, bikini clad sun bathers on Oct 30 – gotta love Southern Cali

Power walking BFFs, gabbing, gossiping, and sporting matching visors, scrunchies, white tanks, and black yoga capris

An infinite horizon, infinite possibilities

A woman, alone, curled up in fetal position.  Grief? Hangover? Introspection?

Cotton balls scattered and stretched across the vast baby blue canvas

A mom nursing her little one – ME

God’s glory in blue and sand

Glad I was there to see it all.


Did you know that Henry’s Markets give money back if you bring in your own shopping bags?  It’s 5 cents a bag.  No scoffing…5 cents is 5 cents.  77 bags and I have myself a free chai tea latte.  Pretty cool.  Getting paid for saving the environment.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.  Booya!

right of passage

I was watching Ellen yesterday (one from last week… yes I dvr her too, love me some Ellen) and when Colin Farrel, after giving her a big smooch on the lips, congratulated her on her recent marriage, she just lit up.  The pure joy that came over her face was infectious.

Watching her, in that moment, it occurred to me that here in California, we have an opportunity, a duty, in next week’s election to uphold that joy for her.  And for the thousands of others that are fortunate enough to have found their soul mate in someone of the same sex.

Marriage is an important, revered rite of passage in our society.  To deny any person that right is quite simply – unjust.

I look at my daughters and, not knowing who they will fall in love with someday, my heart breaks to think that they might be denied the joy and jubilation of a wedding and subsequent marital bliss. Or that they might feel shame and guilt for who they are because our laws tell them they are not as equal as the person next to them.  I would never want that for one of my daughters nor for any other human being.  I want them to learn that love is the most powerful, precious gift in the world.  Regardless of who it’s between.  You are lucky to find it, lucky to give it and lucky to get it.

Equality for all.  Vote No on Prop 8.

I’m Mama Mary and I approve this message.


open toed shoe pledge

I forgot to mention in my previous post, the other note-worthy occurrence in class today.  We were all sitting in a circle in Indian Style (oh dear, is that politically incorrect?), until the teacher asked us to  bounce the kids on our knees.  No problem, I thought, until I stretched my legs out and caught a glimpse of my haggard feet on display beneath my Old Navy flip flops.  Lessons learned: a) keep up on my mani/pedi’s or b) wear closed toed shoes.

Below is the Open-Toed Shoe Oath I had to take at my previous job since we occasionally had Flip Flop Fridays.  (we had all sorts of cool things like that, they’re awesome!)  I was in MAJOR breach of contract today.


As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing any open toed shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit.  My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.  I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they’re only $20 and worth every penny!)